Tested Waters
by Obsidian Angel
Summary: FORBIDDEN LOVE...FEELINGS THAT WILL ENDURE OVER TIME AND SPACE...HARRY FIGHTS TO GAIN WHAT HE LOST, WHAT WAS TAKEN FROM HIM...
1. Chapter 1

Title: Tested Waters

Author: Obsidian Angel

Rated: M

Disclaimer: I own nothing but the sordid plot…Raise glass to the master of the house, J.K. Rowling…

Spoilers: Set during Harry's seventh...Through to the fifth book…AU…Half-Blood Prince didn't happen…

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"Harry…" Ron called through the door. With no answer forth coming he stuck his head around the door into the dormitory they both shared with Neville, Dean, and Seamus. His eyes roamed over his friend's empty bed. There was still evidence where Harry had occupied the bed earlier that day. The coverlet was wrinkled and bunched at certain junctions where they had been clenched tightly by tight fists. He could even see the tear stains that littered the pillow. He sighed once again in defeat. Harry wasn't there.

It had been a late morning for both of the boys. They had gotten up late and they had almost missed breakfast. Ron wasn't so sure that wouldn't have actually been a good thing after the events of that day. Ron closed his eyes willing the memory away. Too close, too sudden, and too incomparable to anything he had ever seen to think about.

He closed the door and walked slowly back down to the Gryffindor common room.

"Was he up there?" Neville asked, being the one amongst the group of 7th years to voice his concern.

Ron's eyes met Neville's as he shook his head in the negative as he continued walking across the room to the portrait hole.

"And where do you think you're going?" A voice snapped from a seat by the fireplace where Hermione sat.

"To look for Harry…obviously," he said as he glared at her.

"It's after curfew…"

"I don't care, Hermione! Harry is alone somewhere in this castle hurting and unlike you, I bloody care!"

"Even after what he did?"

"What _they_ did," Ron emphasized.

"I am not going to even dignify that with an answer," she shot her ex-boyfriend a look of pure disgust before she turned back to face the fire, her figure hidden by the high wings of the red chair.

Ron shook his head. For someone so bright he never knew her to be so narrow-minded. Harry was their friend. He couldn't believe she would betray Harry like that. Betray him. Neville gave him a reassuring smile but Ron couldn't muster the strength to do the same. He shut his eyes and instead took a deep intake of breath before letting it out in a steady whoosh. Neville understood as only he could. He nodded to Ron. Ron did nod back as he left the common room.

He had been all over the school already searching for Harry. The astronomy tower had been abnormally empty. That was the first place he had searched in case Harry had had the idea to plummet off the high turret to end his torment. Ron had been relieved when he stepped into the tower to not find a body sprawled on the lawn 200 feet below.

From there he had searched every level, every room, every dark corner, even the secret passages he knew about. Harry was no where to be found. He was hoping he would walk back to the dorms to find Harry in bed crying his eyes out, see him sitting there in silence, anything to reassure Ron he was actually in the castle. In Harry's state of mind he had no idea what Harry was capable of.

As Ron once again circled the Quidditch pitch he realized there was one place he had not checked, a place that should have been self-evident. He descended the staircases one at a time, silently creeping further and further into the bowels of the school.

It had been such a great morning. The sun was shining, not a cloud in the sky to ruin their perfect Sunday. Ron had had to practically drag Harry out of bed and into a cold shower to wake him up. He couldn't understand Harry's exhaustion. Well, not until later, that is.

They met Hermione at the breakfast table and both gave her a peck on the cheek as was custom for them as of late. She smiled brightly at them as they took their seats next to her. The smell of the hot maple syrup still stung Ron's nostrils even now in the dead of the night. He remembered vividly when the smell turned acrid and made him lose his appetite. He shook his head again keeping the stream of thoughts at bay as he reached the big oak door he had always hated. Within the room beyond he hoped to find his friend.

He grasped the cold steel of the handle and pulled open the door eliciting a groan from its old hinges. He had only been in this room once and what a memory it was. Five years ago he stood in this office the fear of expulsion hanging over his head. No such fear would ever be instilled by his Potions Master again. Ron closed the door unable to keep it from banging closed.

In the dark he fumbled in his robes for his wand. "Lumos," a bright light erupted at the tip of his wand illuminating the office. He squinted into the further darkness and took a step forward to further shed light upon the shadows.

"Harry…" he called out softly.

He circled the room many times, even looking under the desk and any other possible hiding place his friend could have been ensconced in without any success.

"Where'd you get to, Harry?" he asked to no one in particular.

He pointed his wand at a door on the far side of the wall, away from the desk and tables of flasks. He grasped its handle and yelped in pain as it glowed red and his hand, where he had made contact with the offending knob burned into his skin.

"Harry!" He banged on the door with his injured hand. Harry used to use that charm for when he slept at the Dursleys' as a precaution. His brother Bill had taught it to them.

"Harry! I know you're in there! Open up!" He banged on the door hearing the wood rattle against its stone enclosure.

He laid his forehead against the wood, "Please, Harry…Please…" Tears stung his eyes.

"Harry, buddy, please…I know you're hurting. Please let me in…Hermione was wrong, Harry. She had no right, no right at all to do that to you."

The room filled with unbearable silence as Ron stopped his pleas in defeat once again.

"Harry…Harry, I'm going to sit out here…If you need me…If you want to talk or…anything…I'm here for you…"

He walked to the left of the door and slid boneless to the floor the dungeon brick biting into his back.

"Nox…"

He didn't exactly know how long he sat there in the dark on the cold stone floor of Professor Snape's office before he heard a whisper and the change in air pressure as the door beside him slid open to cast the office in a pale dancing yellow light. He stood and dusted off his robes to see Harry Potter standing before him still in his blue jeans and dark blue jumper. Harry was looking off to the side, the glass of his spectacles catching the firelight. His hands were in his pockets, shoulders hunched in shame.

"Harry."

"Ron." His voice cracked and he cleared his throat. "Sorry."

"Harry…"

"Don't. I don't want to be lectured to. I have had enough of that for one day I think," he rasped. Ron could tell he had been crying. He didn't even have to see the green eyes glitter with wet evidence.

"I'm not here to lecture you."

Harry finally met his gaze in hope.

"I have been looking for you, we all have actually."

"I'm sure Hermione didn't fret over my whereabouts."

"Well, no…but…I was worried."

Silence.

"May I come in?"

Harry hesitated, "I don't think Se…" He immediately closed his eyes and turned his back to Ron. He walked back through the door leaving the door wide open. Ron took the hint.

He followed Harry into a sitting room of sorts. A fire was going in the grate, the only source of light to see by. Harry sat in a chair turned diagonal from the fire place and draped a blanket over himself

"May I sit?" He indicated to the chair opposite him.

All he got was an "mm," in confirmation.

Ron sat quietly staring at Harry. In the light of the fire he could see the many trails of dried salt where Harry's tears had left. His mouth was set, pursed together as he stared into the fire non-blinking.

"I'm so sorry, Harry. I really am."

Harry turned to him, "You're not mortified?"

Ron smiled faintly, "You'd think I would be, eh? But no…You were happy…"

Harry opened his mouth to comment but Ron beat him to it knowing what he'd say.

"Oh, give me some credit. You changed. Not a lot, but enough for anyone who truly knew you to notice. It progressively became easy to make you smile, make you joke, even make you laugh. It started that night you had that detention, I think. I don't know what happened between you two but whatever it was I knew it helped. You came back dazed. You looked a million miles away. I watched you get ready for bed mechanically and crawl into bed…and you said good-night…You hadn't said good night in a long time. You'd respond to it, emotionless…dead. But that night…you said it without coaxing, no preamble; and right then and there I knew you were back. I was grateful, even if it was The Git to break your shell."

Harry listened carefully to Ron's monologue. He visibly eased back into the chair staring at Ron who seemed to speak to his hands.

"You're right, something did happen that night."

Ron looked up sharply.

"But not what you think."

Ron resumed staring at his hands, "You don't have to tell me."

"But, you see Ron, I need to. I…ache…" Light chocolate met emerald. "It aches so much I can't breathe," his last words spoke in a whisper, his voice choked by sorrow. A tear traveled down a worn path on his cheek. "This pain has settled inside me and it's growing, overwhelming me. I can't get him out of my head. What they did to him, what they're still doing to him…"

Ron looked away settling his gaze across the room watching the flickering flames of the fire dance across the wall. His lip quivered from emotion. He hated seeing Harry like this…Helpless, hopeless, alone, and unhappy.

They lapsed into silence. Ron finally let himself remember, finally let the day swarm through his mind as the memory took over his thoughts.

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Ron remembered the jolt he got hearing the great hall doors swing open and bang against the walls reverberating throughout the high-arched room. Him, Harry, and Hermione visibly jumped and twisted around to see what had happened. They exchanged confusing looks when the Minister of Magic, Cornelius Fudge, and five Aurors wearing their navy blue ministry uniforms followed close behind striding up the middle isle between the house tables until they reached the head table. The headmaster stood up in greeting. Ron knew immediately something was wrong when Albus Dumbledore's facial expression became fierce and his blue eyes fixed upon their Potions Master. The Aurors marched their way over to where the black-clad figure sat, surrounding him.

"Cornelius, what is the meaning of this?" The headmaster finally voiced everyone's question.

"Evidence has come to light concerning Severus Snape. Information from a material witness suggests inappropriate behavior towards a student."

Gasps ricocheted across the room as all the Slytherins jumped from their seats yelling their support for their Head of House. Snape had been cleared as a Death Eater at the end of the war. Draco Malfoy never looked half as worried as he did now, not even when his father had been dragged off to Azkaban.

The minister had said something then, something they couldn't hear but the clank of a chair being thrown aside as Snape stood indicated whatever it was, it wasn't good. Snape frowned, the crease between his brows becoming even more pronounced.

"I don't know what you are on about, Minister," Snape spat.

Ron locked eyes with Harry. He saw fear in his eyes. He had seen that look before, he knew. The fear of loss, of uncertainty…the look he got when Sirius fell through the veil, the look Harry always got when something was taken from him. Ron kept his expression neutral then looked over at Hermione. As Ron looked back on it now, he should have noticed her expression of concern for mock triumph.

Fudge had unrolled a scroll he had with him and read aloud for all to hear:

"Evidence shows that one, Severus Tobias Snape, cleared Death Eater and Potions Master at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry these last sixteen years, is hereby under Ministry custody indefinitely for the sexual molestation and subsequent sodomizing of an unwilling student under his authority."

"What?" Ron heard himself say. "They can't be serious!"

Harry grabbed the red-head's arm turning away from the scene playing at the head of the hall. He stared down at the table.

"Harry…"

"Ron…" His voice came out as a croak. He eyes downcast, the green of his eyes dimmed, his bottom lip quivering in what Ron thought was fear.

Ron looked back up just in time to see two Aurors physically shove Snape into the wall, his front pressed firmly into stone. All hell broke lose then. All the students stood, yelling and screaming, some even were crying. Professor McGonagall was up, powerless to stop anything; her hands covered her mouth in a silent prayer. Even from his seat he could see her eyes glistening with unshed tears. Lupin, who had returned as Defense Against the Dark Arts that year, stood next to Dumbledore. Hagrid was shaking his head furiously in disbelief but most just sat gob smacked with their mouths hanging open watching the debauchery of Snape's livelihood right in front of them.

Ron didn't believe the allegations. He knew Snape was a vicious son-of-a-bitch at his best and a down right bastard at his worst but he knew without a doubt the man was honorable. He wouldn't touch any of them. Snape was many things but he was not a rapist.

The Aurors secured Snape's hands behind his back with magic after they were able to wrestle him to stillness against the wall.

"Minister, might I suggest a trip to my office. You have caused enough of a disturbance in my school by your public display of force and I want an explanation of why you are taking my Potions Master to prison."

The minister nodded at the Aurors and two grabbed Snape's upper arms roughly and pulled him along, keeping the 'rapist' between them as they headed out of the great hall. The last three fell into step behind them. Snape's footing never faltered. His gaze never wavered. He stared straight ahead of him with his mouth pursed into a thin line. The only indication to his distress was the obvious quick rise and fall of his chest.

Dumbledore whispered something to Professors McGonagall and Lupin before following leading Minister Fudge to his office.

"Might I suggest, Dumbledore, that you retrieve the victim of these crimes," the minister had stopped right next to them. Harry remained motionless still staring down at the table.

The room went silent. Ron could hear his heartbeat in his ears. He knew what was about to come. It always happened to them. The trio was never left alone when something happened at Hogwarts. They always seemed to be in the middle of it.

"Mr. Potter," snapped the minister and Harry flinched. He shut his eyes, his face contorting into a grimace. Ron had a bitter taste in his mouth then. He dropped his own hand to the one still clutching his arm.

The heat from the stares across the hall was burning into them. Harry's face flushed, his cheeks turning red from discomfort.

"Mr. Potter!"

"Harry," the headmaster stated simply, "come with us, please. The minister seems to think you have something to do with this."

Harry gave a jerky nod and got unsteadily to his feet. Ron followed suit.

"Not you, Mr. Weasley. You were not called into council."

Ron slowly sat back down not letting go of Harry's hand.

"Miss Granger on the other hand, I think you should come as well," Fudge said.

Hermione didn't seem surprised at all to be asked. She stood with all the grace in the world and seemed to float over to them.

Harry finally spoke. "I would like Ron to accompany me, if that is alright."

"This does not concern him," the minister started to argue.

"It won't hurt, Cornelius. Mr. Weasley may come along as moral support for Harry. I am sure you won't disagree with me if I say after what you insinuate he has been through."

"Insinuations, eh, Dumbledore?" His gaze drops to Hermione and jumps back up again to meet the Headmaster's.

"We shall see. Shall we?" Professor Dumbledore held out his hand in front of him to indicate to move from the hall.

The party took the long trek to Dumbledore's office in silence. The clip of their heels the only sound echoing off the halls. Hermione strode behind the two older men as Ron and Harry lagged behind. Ron kept a comforting hand on Harry's shoulder the whole time. He could feel the tremors shaking the boy's body through the contact. He squeezed the shoulder and Harry's hand had come up to rest on his. Clutching, grasping, as if to make sure it was real. Harry looked back at him. Those green eyes again, dead to the world. He hadn't seen them that empty in quite a while. It was strange. One day Harry just started smiling again. After that momentous detention…Harry was Harry again.

_**So, is it horrible? Read and review please. Flamers are even welcome…I'm always open to constructive criticism…Thanks…**_


	2. Chapter 2

CH 2

Ron's reverie was broken by Harry's sudden movement from the chair. He stood and walked over to a drawer. He pulled on its wooden handle and delved his hand in and pulled out a portfolio. He carried it over to where they sat and handed the brown heavy package to Ron.

"I want to show you something. Open it."

Ron shrugged and complied pulling sheets of parchment out and sitting them on his lap. At closer inspection he realized they were pictures, or more accurately, drawings. Ron looked up at Harry and then down again at the intricate detail of his friend's eyes that dominated the topic of the first charcoal drawing.

"Wow, Harry."

"I know. He did it. He's really great."

"I can see that." Ron turned over the next drawing to find a sleeping Harry covered in a blanket sitting in the chair he had been occupying earlier.

"That was the first drawing he did of me. It was a Hogsmeade weekend…"

"The one you skipped cause you were sick…" Ron gave him a disapproving look then broke into a smile.

"I was sick. I just came down to visit because I was bored and he let me in. I fell asleep and woke up to him drawing this."

_He was warm, warm and comfortable. He could vaguely here a scratching sound. Like that of a quill. Last thing he remembered was talking to Professor Snape. His eyes snapped open. _

_"Don't move."_

_He didn't move a muscle watching Snape's eyes flicker from him to the piece of paper perched on a folder in his lap. _

_"Almost finished. Give me a minute or two."_

_Harry complied without hesitation. His curiosity piqued. _

_"There. You may move now," Snape told him, not looking at him but paying close attention to whatever he was doing. _

_Harry got up and stretched feeling quite rested and walked over to his Professor. His mouth dropped when he realized what Snape had been doing. He looked down at a drawing of himself, so well-done, so perfectly depicted even his scar was a thing of beauty on the parchment. _

_"I didn't know you could draw." _

_"Not many people do. It's not a talent I share with everyone."_

"I let him draw me whenever he wanted to. He didn't often get the chance to. He's so…relaxed…when he draws. So carefree…"

Ron had gone through many drawings of Harry. He began to doubt the man ever drew anything else.

"Er…Harry…" Ron held up a specific drawing.

Harry smiled and took a deep breath.

"That was after our first time. I just…laid there…completely at ease…peaceful. He told me it was the single most beautiful thing he'd ever seen. He asked me if he could draw me…and I said yes."

The drawing showed Harry lying naked at the foot of the bed, his legs tangled in the sheets.

"It's all becoming so real."

"You doubted it before now?"

"No…I mean…I saw you kiss him…that was a paradigm shift in of itself but…this shows his devotion to you. Such detail. It's like I can see the afterglow after…you two…"

"…had sex…"

"…yeah…It makes your relationship so much more real to me."

Harry reached down and dragged a picture close to the bottom and brought it to the top for Ron to see.

"Oh, Harry…"

It was a picture of Harry's mother reading a book under a tree next to a lake and she was pregnant.

"This isn't at Hogwarts…"

"No. It's at a park in muggle London. I used to go there with my aunt and uncle when they took Dudley…I used to play by that tree all the time."

"But how…?"

"He told me that he and my mum had been friends. My father obviously didn't approve so even after they were married she would meet with him, have tea, and exchange books and stuff like that."

Ron sifted through the rest of the drawings finding more of Harry's mother, some at Hogwarts others Harry would indicate at a café or library.

"Who is this?" Ron held up a picture of a baby girl.

"That was…um…it was…that was his daughter."

"Snape's daughter?"

"…yeah…"

"I didn't know he had a daughter…"

"He doesn't…Something happened along time ago, something bad. The baby didn't survive."

"Oh…What was her name?"

"Her name was Addrien."

Ron rearranged the drawings, slipped them into the portfolio handing it to Harry who replaced it back in the drawer, and came back to sit down on the chair.

"Why did you show me the drawings?"

"Because I wanted to share them with someone. I want you to understand…"

Ron piped up exclaiming, "I don't need to understand, Harry. I am not here to judge you. So, you were fucking Snape, okay. But you have to be pretty thick not to notice you two obviously had something special. I could tell the way he looked at you today that he loved you. I have never ever seen that look on his face before. He looked at you…like you were the only thing that mattered in the world to him, like going to prison wasn't so bad because he got to have you even if it was only for a short while."

"That's exactly what he said to me, Ron…out on the lawn…before they…" He took a deep, quivering breath, "He said he wouldn't change a thing, not one thing if it meant he couldn't have me…" His eyes filled up with tears and dipped over the planes of his face. He wiped them away furiously again focusing on the fire.

"I don't think I can stand this. I don't think I can survive without him."

Ron had no words of wisdom or comforting phrases that would ease his friend's suffering. He couldn't stress his imagination to even conceive the pain Harry felt right at that moment. He wanted so bad to know. He wanted to know how his best friend and his revered Potions professor ended up together.

"What happened, Harry?"

It was a simple enough question yet Harry was at a loss for words at what to say to bring justice to the life he had been leading with Severus. Their relationship was so complex, the circumstances with which they met under overlapped into different facets of reality. It seemed so simple but also undeniably complicated. What he had shared with Severus went beyond anything he had ever experienced, past everything he had ever expected out of life.

He had not understood it at first. The swell of pride which would well up inside him every time he got his professor to quirk the sides of his lips up as if to smile, even if it was only for a second it was enough for Harry to skip up to dinner happy as the pope on a pogo stick. He would never forget the first time he got Severus to laugh out loud. The man's deep, rich baritone voice vibrated through his uncontrollable bouts of laughter over Harry's mild discomfort discussing homosexuality with Professor Snape, of all people.

It scared him to admit his feelings for Professor Snape had changed dramatically over the course of only a couple of months. He would stare at his professor grading papers or stirring a cauldron with such deft precision and silent concentration, he would lose himself in the languid movements with which Snape would use. It was singularly unique and intriguing. His heart would skip a beat when his eyes would meet those black orbs, caught ogling his professor when he was down in the dungeons supposed to be working on an essay for a class.

The first time a gaze from Severus stirred his groin, he was lost. He knew he wouldn't be able to fight it, wouldn't be able to hide the fact that he was in love with Snape and, he didn't want to. Everything had happened so gradually, the change so constant it was almost imperceptible.

Harry finally answered Ron, "We came to an understanding, of sorts, one night."

"The detention."

"Yeah…the detention…"

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It had been the detention from hell, sent packaged especially for Harry Potter from the very devil himself. He would have carved his name into his hand over and over again for Umbridge rather than spend another moment in Severus Snape's presence listening to him demean his dad and godfather's memory while scrubbing cauldrons with wire pads that would tear at the layers of skin on your hand.

He had purposely arrived exactly five minutes late for the detention counting on point deductions and five points were immediately taken after he entered the his potion's classroom by his vitriolic professor. Harry was going to give Snape a reason to hate him. Every point Harry would lose he would deserve it. Every snide comment Snape would direct towards Harry, the boy was going to have a come back of his own.

Snape pointed at the cauldrons across the room piled on the long counter that held three deep bellied sinks that only trickled out cold water. Harry could already sense Snape was in a bad mood. He stood with his back straight in front of his desk, his arms folded across his chest, and watched silently as Harry entered the room. Harry walked up to him keeping a considerable amount of distance between them.

"You're wand, Potter." Snape held out his hand in expectance. Harry didn't move. He glared at the potions professor.

"Don't look at me like that, boy. You're wand. You are to clean those cauldrons by hand."

Harry drew his wand out of his arm holster, stepped forward, and held it out for him. As Snape went to grab it, Harry pulled it just out of Snape's reach. It was something you did with friends, as a joke, for fun. Harry knew better than to try something like that with Snape which is exactly why he did it. Snape's eyes blazed in anger and grabbed Harry's upper arm roughly and took Harry's wand before shoving him away from him and into the wall.

"Don't fuck with me Potter! I am in no mood tonight! I want those cauldrons spotless even if it takes you all night!" Snape backtracked and left the room, slamming the door, and locking Harry in.

Harry stood against the wall bracing himself with his hands flat on the cold stone. Snape was a walking time bomb. It never took much to get under that man's skin. Harry proceeded to undertake his detention.

As he readied a sink full of water and soap, his mind began to wander back to that previous summer when they had vanquished the Lord Voldemort, A feet which had taken a lot out of everyone. He and Snape had worked together in relative peace throughout the whole summer. Everything they did, everything that was planned depended on their trust of each other. He was supposed to infiltrate Voldemort's lair when Snape was called, riding side-along apparition under the magic of an invisibility potion Snape had perfected to last for hours on end. He had watched them conduct their meeting, Voldemort spouting about social reform for the good of the wizarding world and how close they were to achieving their ultimate goals. One, murdering him; two, overtaking the ministry; and three, mass genocide of muggles.

It was simple enough of a task. They couldn't see him. He had been well trained in non-verbal spell casting and was quite proficient at it and was prepared to murder a monster.

He had his doubts that the killing curse would even hurt the dark lord but was told not to worry about it, that they had it all figured it out. He knew they were keeping something from him but couldn't persuade anyone to tell him what was really going on.

Fear enveloped him once Snape ordered him to hang on tight. They had landed in the same graveyard where Tom Riddle Sr.'s bones rested, where Harry had dueled Voldemort for the first time, wand to wand, in his fourth year. Harry didn't let go of Snape. He had been told to stay close to him. He kept his grasp tight on Snape's outer robe but his heart dropped when Snape was ordered forward and he had to move. Harry reluctantly relinquished his hold on him. When Snape finally was allowed up from the ground and return to his spot in the circle, he nodded his head at Harry.

That was the signal; he raised his wand and waited until he knew Snape was right behind him and as he started to speak the incantation in his mind, as a green light was beginning to emit from his wand, he felt a body press against his back as a hand enclosed over his and a completely knew surge of power that wasn't his own fused with his and shot a blinding white light from his wand, and wrapped itself around the Dark Lord. The moment the man was covered, a pain so severe shot through his head. He could feel the warm fluid that flowed from his open scar run down his face. He remembered the spasm that shook the man behind him as they were parted. Harry didn't remember much after that. He had fallen to the ground the moment the warmth and support from behind him had been taken away. He remained in a coma for a week after that; Snape for three.

He had seriously thought things would be different between them after that. He suspected begrudging respect to be returned as he himself couldn't help feeling grateful for what Snape had done, what he had endured. The spell he had dually cast with him had completely depleted his magic.

He learned after the fact that the spell was a different variation of the Avada Kedavra. Where the killing curse only stopped a person's life force, the older version had been invented to warp the victim's soul, to twist and mold it into something different, into nothing. The person's soul itself is morphed and then ripped from the body before the more basic element of the curse impedes the heart. They had kept that information from him. He had not been told Snape was going to have anything to do with killing Voldemort directly.

He was brought back to reality when a sharp pain shot through his hand. He was only on the third cauldron as the skin of his right palm was sliced open by the wire brush. He held up his hand looking at the cut oozing blood. He switched his hands and continued on using his left hand wiping his right on his robe whenever he felt blood run off his palm.

When school began and he saw Snape sitting at the head table he had smiled openly at his Potions Master who only shot him a look of disdain before averting his attention back to the headmaster giving his welcoming feast speech. Snape proceeded to belittle him every chance he got. He was even more patronizing than he ever was before. Harry was having enough trouble coming to terms with what he had done, with all the losses he had suffered that Snape's attitude was grating on his nerves. Just being in Snape's presence was enough to make him want to cry but he didn't. He wasn't going to give Snape the satisfaction of knowing he was truly hurt by his hatefulness every time Snape visibly relished in Sirius's death or taunted him with demonstrations on how his father had been arrogant and self-righteous.

Harry had spoke up against him that day in class. He had finally opened his mouth, his voice strained from the inner turmoil that wouldn't abate to defend the two men he loved most dearly. Snape didn't hesitate to assign him a detention for his cheek once again. He paused on the sixth cauldron when he heard the catch on the lock give and Snape swept in.

"Only sixth in five hours. My, my, Potter, you will be here all night at this rate."

"Yeah, and I bet you just love that don't you?" Harry said not looking up but focused on finishing the cauldron. "It being only Wednesday and all, I am sure to be late for your class in the morning. You'll take more points, most likely give me another detention just to spite me. It's fitting, for Hogwart's star seeker to miss his first game of the season, don't you think?"

"Leave the pity party for your fans, Potter. You'll not get any sympathy from me."

"Oh, heaven forbid the great Severus Snape hold any sympathy for another human being in that cold heart of his besides himself." Harry whispered to himself.

"What did you say!" Snape hissed. He grabbed Harry and turned him around to face him. Harry's hand that held the brush slipped and ran across his palm, the wire imbedding into his skin. He grimaced.

"What! Did? You? Say!" Snape's grip tightened his hold on Harry's collar. He dropped the brush attempting to wrestle away from the older man. His hands came up to wrap around Snape's wrist. The wool of Snape's frock coat burned against his open wounds.

"Just like you're father, you are, Potter. Just because you vanquished the Dark Lord doesn't mean us lesser mortals have to bend to your every whim. I am not Dumbledore, and I will not play a part in your hero worship…"

"You…I didn't…"

"Don't interrupt me!"

"Let go of me!" Harry's eyes stung. He fought to keep his tears at bay. He wasn't going to cry in front of Snape.

"Aw," the professor patronized. "Is the savior of the wizarding world, Hogwart's boy wonder going to cry?"

He turned his head away not wanting Snape to see his face.

"Oh…I think he may…come on, Potter…" Snape drew Harry closer to him and whispered in his ear. "Cry for me."

"No!" Harry screamed and pushed against Snape's chest, finally able to wrench from his grasp.

"What is your problem?" Harry stared at Snape, his tears finally falling from his eyes. "Does it give you some perverse pleasure to see me like this! I can't take this anymore! I can't take YOU ANYMORE?" Harry grabbed the nearest object within reach and hurled the cauldron across the room.

"I hate you! I didn't even want to kill him! Are you so jealous of me that you have to continue torturing me?" Harry slammed his fists onto a desk. He felt his heart constrict painfully inside his chest. He couldn't catch his breath, unable to stop the tremors traveling through his body. Snape made no movement staying silent. It unnerved Harry. He just stood stoic and proud staring down at the-boy-who-lived.

"Why! Why do you have to be like this? Why do you have to treat me like shit? I've done nothing to you." He choked out. He started pacing the floor, walking across to the other side of the room and back again trying in vain to control his emotions.

"I am not James bloody Potter!" He swept his hands across the shelf that held the pickled specimens pushing the glasses to the floor and felt a small sense of satisfaction hearing the shattered glass skid across the stone floor.

"You are such a bastard! Is this what you want!" Snape side-stepped an oncoming projectile while calmly watching Harry ransack his office. Glass once again kissed the dungeon floor as Harry hurled jar after jar towards Snape and missing every time.

"I didn't ask for this…I…I ever…You…" Harry bent over then, it all becoming to much for him to handle. All the feelings he had been holding inside welled up and was prepared to erupt. 'Not here,' he thought. 'Not now.' He squeezed his eyes shut willing his emotions down back into their cavern.

"Is this fun for you seeing me completely lose it! Do you enjoy this, you sick fuck!"

The hand that touched his back set him off. He took a swing at Snape and was amazed he actually made contact. With tears pouring from his eyes he continued to physically assault Snape. As he swung again to punch Snape in the face, his hand was caught and he was spun around to find his back held flush against Snape's front, his arms trapped at his sides by the man's arms that held him.

"Let it go, Harry…Do not stop it. Let it come…Let go…"

Harry's resolve broke then. He couldn't hold the pain at bay any longer and collapsed against Snape.

"Breathe, Harry…You need to breathe…" Snape's left arm came around to continue to hold Harry's arms down and placed his right on Harry's bent head.

Harry stood against Snape sobbing uncontrollably. His cries reverberating off the stone walls filling the silent room in a song full of torment and grief.

His legs gave out and Snape lowered them to the floor still keeping his hold on the boy. All Harry could do was cry. He cried for a war and the people it stole from him; for all the people whose lives had been ruined by death and destruction; for everything he had been unable to stop or control. He cried for himself and above all, for the man he had murdered. He let go of seventeen years worth of pain. He never before grieved for the parents he never knew like he did that night in Snape's arms, for the life he would never have.

A sudden movement beside him startled him and he grabbed at the familiar warmth that was pulling away. His hand met flesh and he seized the hand in a vice-like grip. He felt the warmth return emanating from the hand that began to rub his shaking form. They sat that way: Harry kneeling on his weak knees, clutching the hand to his chest with Snape beside, him soothing his broken shell.

_**If that wasn't too terrible to endure please review…:D**_


	3. Chapter 3

Ch 3

They remained that way for a couple hours. Snape's touch regulating Harry's breathing with the brush of his hand along the boy's spine while Harry continued to hold onto Snape's hand only loosening his grip when the tremors began to abate.

"Harry…"

"You did that on purpose…didn't you?" Harry finally opened his eyes and looked sideways at Snape.

"Yes, I did…"

Harry looked away, "You've been unbearable so you could watch me crumble?"

"No…" Snape reached up and directed Harry's attention back to himself, his hand softly holding Harry's chin in his hand. "It does not do to hold fast to the pain, Harry. Permitting yourself to grieve would release you from the void you were creating inside yourself as you allowed the pain to away eat at you, fester, and drown you further and further into depression."

"I wasn't depressed…" Harry started to argue.

"It does not take a genius to see you blamed yourself for Mr. Diggory's death, as well as Black's."

Harry looked down fighting against the grip on his chin that once again maneuvered his gaze back up to Snape. Harry's eyes once again glittered with tears fighting for escape from their prison.

"I could see it in your eyes every day, their deaths eating away at your soul, and after that night a darker sin weighed on your conscience, for you had taken another life, but this time on purpose. The Dark Lord's blood you shed by your own hand stained your morality, stripping you of your innocence. You have been haunted by that night without any reprieve since you witnessed his death. You torture yourself over that fiend because you cannot find any rationale to legitimize your crime."

"How do you know?"

Snape let go of Harry's face trailing his fingers down his neck. Harry shivered at the gentle touch. "Because I myself am still haunted by my first victim. I wake up every morning to his begging and pleading, and I fall asleep each night with his lifeless blue eyes staring up at me. That was over twenty years ago and I still have not come to terms with all I have done The Dark Lord does not deserve that reverence, not from you, not from anyone…"

"But I still hear his screams…I still see his body…melt…"

"…and you will for a long, long time. Nothing will ever be able to wash away your memory of his death. All you can do is guard against your own guilt….and…If it's any consolation, your curse did not cause that reaction."

Harry met Snape's black eyes and for once they weren't just inky, black pools of nothing. Concern was clearly etched in the features of Snape's face. The hand fell away from his neck and Harry caught it once again in his own. He traced a scar he never noticed before engraved in the juncture between the thumb and forefinger.

"Can you stand?"

"I don't think I want to."

"Come on." Snape wiggled his hand out of Harry's and hauled him up by his shoulders. Harry was a little unsteady on his feet at first but Snape held him up until he was satisfied Harry's knees wouldn't buckle again.

"How do you feel?"

"I feel dizzy…"

"How do you feel inside?" Snape specified, tapping his finger against Harry's chest right over his heart…

Harry thought about it for a minute, taking a deep breath, sucking in a big gulp of air and letting it out in a whoosh.

"I feel…relieved… like a big weight has been lifted off my shoulders…"

Snape nodded and moved away to clean up the mess Harry had caused, that is when he saw his hand was covered in dry blood.

"You're bleeding," he said matter-of-factly.

"Oh, right." Harry had completely forgotten about his hands. He held them up for Snape to be able see the deep gashes that graced his palms.

"One usually slices the wrists, not their hands."

"What? No…I…the brushes…they slipped…I didn't do it on purpose…"

"I see…" Snape held the heavy, oak door open. "Follow me."

"Where are we going?"

"Does it matter?" Snape glared at him. He led them down the hall and opened the door to his office ushering Harry in.

"Take a seat," he said, pointing to one of the chairs situated around a table. Harry sat without question as he watched Snape filter through a cabinet. He could hear vials clinking together as Snape searched for what he needed. He came back and sat next to Harry on one of the other seats as he set two vials on the table.

"Give me your hand," he commanded holding his out for Harry. Harry scooted the chair closer and let Snape take his hand spreading his fingers out before letting it rest on Snape's knee. He wet a cloth with one of the potions liquid contents and pressed the cloth to the wound on Harry's left hand.

Harry yelled in protest against the stinging, the pain momentarily paralyzing his hand.

"Ow! Ow! Ow! That hurts!" He tried to pull his hand away but Snape wrapped his hand around Harry's wrist and pressed his palm even harder against the injured hand.

Snape gave Harry an exasperated look before rolling his eyes at him. "You are supposed to apply pressure to the open wound when using this healing solution."

"Great. Just great…Is it supposed to burn like that?" He asked once again trying to shake off the force of pressure weighing on his palm.

"Yes, that means it is working."

"Figures."

Snape smirked at him. "Have you always cleaned using the brushes inside out, or were you just a glutton for punishment?"

"Inside out?"

"Yes. There is a protective handle on the wire brushes that keeps your hands from getting sliced by the wires."

"Oh…" Harry's face burned red in embarrassment. "I didn't know that."

"Obviously." Snape finished wrapping gauze around Harry's hand before moving to give the other one the same treatment.

"So, all that stuff you've been saying to me…every time you ignored me since you woke up…that was to get me to hate you?"

Snape paused staring down at Harry's hand. "I was trying to help you. You needed to accept what had happened and I did not know what else to do."

"You could have just acknowledged my existence and sat me down to talk."

"I could have, I guess. I just figured you would have ignored my advice. I needed a way to break your emotional barrier and the only thing stronger than depression is anger. I used your anger and hatred against me as a catalyst."

When Snape was done with his other hand Harry pulled both his hands back into his own lap and stared down at the wrappings.

"Thank you."

"You're welcome."

"No…Not just for tonight, for everything. I couldn't have done what you did. That curse…I don't think I would have been strong enough mentally to do it."

"The plan initially was for you to cast the original version of the curse yourself."

Harry blanched at the admission.

"That is what the Headmaster believes I taught you; not the killing curse used today. Him and everyone else involved in The Order of the Phoenix believe you cast the Morte Severa yourself."

"But you were in the hospital longer than I was…how can they not know it was you? Your magic…"

"My magical exhaustion was attributed to the effects of the Dark Mark, nothing more. All the Death Eaters were incapacitated when the Dark Lord succumbed to the curse."

Harry slumped over cradling his head in his hands. "I don't believe this."

"I found it unwise to subject you to such a fate without your complete understanding of the consequences. You should never have been privy to such evil, not at your age, and if I could spare you that experience I would have. So I devised a way to detach the two basic elements of the original curse in order to cast them simultaneously, but separately. While you cast the killing curse, it was my job to perform the second half with you, keeping the incantations separate, each of us casting a different curse yet still yielding the same result as the original spell had intended."

"I remember someone grabbing me at that last moment as I spoke the curse in my mind…I didn't know it was you at first…I remember a surge of energy shooting through my body, I remember the white light, his screams, my head exploding in agony, but above all I remember you being wrenched from me in that last second before everything went dark."

"The energy surge you felt was my power transferring into you, blending with your magical aura. I fed you my own magical signature; otherwise I could not have cast the curse along with you, using your wand if I hadn't. It succeeded in doubling the force of the curse."

"No one knows, do they?"

Snape shook his head, "…and that is how it is going to stay…"

"But without you…"

"I am a Death Eater, Harry. The Daily Prophet does not want to hear about the machinations of a dark wizard. Nor would they understand the ingenuity of using evil to kill evil. A 'Society must stop at nothing to rid itself of evil,' as was once said. How do you think the public would take it if they found out you used primitive Dark Magic taught to you by a dark wizard?"

"It doesn't seem fair. You've done so much…

"Give me your acknowledgement. Give me your appreciation for my sacrifices. I need nothing more. No public displays of retribution and such but don't expect the our world to fall at my feet in thanks if word of this ever got out."

Harry nodded his head and stood up stepping up right next to the man seated and stuck out his right hand, open and inviting. Snape frowned in confusion and stood up. Harry had grown quite a bit in the last year and a half. He was only a few inches shorter than Snape now, his eyes level with Snape's mouth. Snape took Harry's hand firmly in his own as Harry in turn flexed his fingers over Snape's. As they shook hands, a peculiar bond was formed. They didn't say anything more; nothing more needed to be said. An understanding was produced by their trust and respect for each other. Harry left Professor Snape's office to a new world waiting beyond the dungeon steps. As he climbed his way up to his tower he couldn't help but wonder what it all meant.

_**Shorter I know…It just seemed fitting to pause it there…he he…Read and Review please! The more input I get the more inclination I have to write…**_


	4. Chapter 4

CH 4

Harry stared into Ron's eyes expecting fear or repulsion at what he had just told him but Ron's expression never gave way to disgust, never showed anything but consideration and compassion.

"He saved me in every way a person can be saved. He saved me from evil, from my silent misery; he took away the pain and replaced it with hope. He saved me from myself, my own self-destruction no one else could see. He noticed and succeeded where others were powerless to stop it."

"After that night I refused to wallow in shame for things I had no control over. I realized I was not only hurting myself, but also you and Hermione."

"We were fine, Harry. We were just so worried about you…"

"I shouldn't have given you a reason to worry. I should have seen the forest for the trees but I was too blinded by guilt and everything that had happened to see. Talking with Professor Snape allowed me to sort through my thoughts and feelings, clearly and rationally."

"I'm glad. I missed you, you know. Dad would never tell me what happened to You-Know-Who. He told me he was destroyed and that's all I needed to know."

"Well, of course he wouldn't. I still can't believe they had expected me to use that curse in the first place. I could barely cast the killing curse let alone something that awful. You need hatred to cast the Avada Kedavra but the Morte Severa required malevolence. I didn't have that within me. At least that's what Sev believed."

"You aren't evil, Harry."

"He isn't either, Ron."

"But he couldn't have performed that curse if he wasn't."

"I have had a lot of time to think about that…about a lot of things actually. I believe evil isn't something you are, it's something you do, a tool to be used like any other mechanism of power. Evil is defined by the atrocities one commits; Voldemort was evil because of what he did. His actions were facilitated by malicious intent. Evil is external. It depends on how you use it whether you are dictated as evil. Severus wasn't influenced by evilness within him. That is the difference. He molded evil into something different, a weapon to destroy evil, not create more in the world."

"Too bad the world doesn't think that way. Snape wouldn't even be in prison if that were true."

"You're absolutely right, Ron. Absolutely right…"

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The party of five arrived at the Headmaster's office without further ado filing in quietly. Harry's gaze immediately flickered to Snape who stood in the middle of the room still surrounded by the Aurors, for all intense and purposes, looking unfazed by the proceedings. As Dumbledore walked past him, he let his hand rest on Snape's shoulder and, cast his attention towards Fudge. Hermione stood back by the door, her hands clasped together in front of her, leaning against the wall clearly interested in what was about to unfold. Ron never left Harry's side.

"Now, Cornelius. I would appreciate it if you could direct your Aurors elsewhere for the duration of this meeting."

"I do not think that is wise to…"

"Severus isn't going anywhere, I assure you. He is still bound."

"As you wish. Gentlemen," Fudge motioned for the five men to leave the room.

Once the door closed with a click Dumbledore asked, "What is the meaning of this marching into my school and making a public spectacle out of one of my teachers? A matter such as this should have been handled in private, by premeditated council with the board of governors. I do not appreciate you waltzing in here in the middle of breakfast on a Sunday morning upsetting my students."

"As I said before Albus, we have a material witness to Snape's," he gave the man a loathsome look, "unsavory practices. He has been consorting with a minor right under your nose and you cannot protect him this time, Dumbledore."

"I will have you know he has given sixteen long years of faithful service to this institution and not once has his character been called into question on…"

"That does not help his credibility. He is a Death Eater…"

"Was!" Harry spat.

All eyes turned on him but he only met one set of eyes. Green pleaded with black. 'Please, Sev…don't let them tear us apart.' He offered his mind up to his lover. Harry was no better at occlumency than he had been after fifth year but he did know how to unlock his mind for other's perusal. Snape's eyes squinted and gave his head a slight jerk telling Harry not to try anything.

"He isn't a Death Eater and hasn't been for more than twenty years!"

"Enough! I am familiar with his case history, Mr. Potter…"

"You are accusing him to get him sent to Azkaban on false charges! You'd say anything to get the last remaining _Death Eater _locked up in prison!"

"You are out of line young man!"

"He never touched me!"

"We have evidence to the contrary."

"You mentioned a witness, Cornelius," Dumbledore cut in, "Who is it?"

Hermione spoke up from behind Fudge's form. "I saw them together, Headmaster," she stated stepping forward to stand in front of the man in the middle of the room. She looked up at Snape, "You were right, _professor._ There was someone in the shadows that night."

Harry's breath caught it his throat. He had been out pass curfew just a few nights ago to meet Snape at his office door when rounds were completed. Harry would wait under his invisibility cloak until Snape returned from stalking the halls and would follow the man through the door when he opened it for entry.

That night in question he only waited long enough for Snape to enter the dungeon corridor before he threw the cloak over both of them. He pressed himself against Severus, leaning them both into the wall.

"Not here."

Harry reached up and planted a kiss on Snape's lips. "I know…"

"Someone was following me."

Snape wrapped his arm around Harry's middle and fumbled with the lock on his door before pulling Harry inside his office

"What exactly did you see, Hermione?" Ron asked. "I mean, you could have been mistaken…"

"Mistaken, Ronald? There is only one person in this school I know of that owns an invisibility cloak."

Snape made a sudden movement and strolled over to the window, looking out over the lush green landscape the spring weather had created.

"So you immediately assume Harry and Snape were going at it?" Ron asked skeptically.

"I would follow Harry when ever he would leave the dormitory at night. He always headed towards the dungeons."

"That still isn't conclusive, Hermione!"

"Miss Granger, Mr. Weasley, please." Hermione and Ron stepped away from each other not saying another word. "I think the only way to settle what has been transpiring between them is to ask."

"What were you doing with Professor Snape in the dungeons, Harry?" Dumbledore asked carefully.

"I…I went down there to study on occasion."

"You could very well have studied in the common room or library earlier in the day. You didn't have to resort to sneaking into Snape's office for some studying," Hermione argued.

"I could have but I didn't want to. We became…friends…he would let me come and talk to him, and study."

"A likely story," Fudge clipped.

"It's true!" Harry's voice cracked, relaying his nervousness.

Dumbledore posed the same question to Snape.

"He did visit me often…to study and discuss things."

"Why don't you tell the Minister and Headmaster about your time in the southern wing of the seventh floor. You know the abandoned classroom at the end of the hall, Harry?"

Harry blanched. "You were there?" His voice shook.

"I witnessed everything and I have a pensieve to prove it."

"You can't use pensieves as evidence. Memories are nothing but fabrications of the imagination." Ron piped up.

"Veritaserum then, I will swear under veritaserum that I saw you and Professor Snape in a compromising position that involved you bent over a desk as..."

"That will do, Miss Granger," Dumbledore's expression immediately turned to stone; the ever-present twinkle slowly dwindled and disappeared.

Snape reached up and clutched the windowpane, his knuckles drained of color as he increased the pressure of his grip on the stone.

"What is she talking about?" Albus insisted. "Severus? Harry?" Harry stared at his shoes kicking at the grey smudge blemishing his tennis shoe.

"I told you this is how it would end, that it would never last, did I not, Harry?" Snape spoke low, his voice husky. "I tried to see reason, struggled to deny the feelings I knew were developing for you. It became increasingly difficult to stave off my desire as time elapsed, as our relationship continued to foster. I will be honest and admit I was weak. I was incapable of pushing you away because I simply did not want to. I needed…took what you so innocently offered me. I let my emotions rule my judgment, abandoning my principals and morals."

"Is that a confession, Mr. Snape?" Fudge interrupted.

"No, just an admission."

"Did you or did you not carry out sexual indiscretions with Mr. Potter?"

"He did nothing I didn't ask for. He never touched me without my permission," Harry defended.

"That is irrelevant to the argument at hand. Any familiarity beyond that of a student/teacher relationship is strictly forbidden. I trust you are aware of the bylaws of this school, Mr. Potter? I know Snape is."

"So it is true then?" Dumbledore looked intently between the young man of seventeen and his thirty-seven year-old Potions Master. "Well?" he snapped causing the three students to flinch. Harry spoke up before Snape got the chance to answer him.

"I love, Severus."

Hermione made a choking sound at the back of her throat; Ron keeping his focal point locked on his teacher. Snape whipped around, clearly shocked by Harry's frank declaration…or the flippant use of his given name. Ron couldn't tell either way.

"Who instigated this?"

Snape sighed. "I did."

"No, it was me! I kissed you first! I started it. I was the one who pushed you to give in to me."

"How long have you two been involved?"

Snape answered this time, "Only three months."

"Harry's been sneaking to the dungeons long before that," Hermione countered.

"Three months," Snape repeated. "We've only been sleeping together for three months. Nothing sexual happened before March."

"I must say, I am very disappointed in you, Severus."

A heavy weight settled on his chest constricting his breathing. Harry's insides pulled tight, his stomach lurched making him sick. They were going to take Severus away from him. They saw him as a child molester, nothing but a rapist in their eyes. He tried to catch Snape's eye, he wanted to know what he was feeling but the man refused to look at him, keeping his eye trained at something in the distance through the high arched window.

"Under the circumstances, Severus Snape, I have no choice but to remove you from your position as Potions Master at this school…"

"No!" Harry shouted.

"You may take him into custody, Minister. You have my full cooperation in this matter," He finished, his voice dangerously flat.

"NO!" Harry ran forward towards Severus. Fudge intercepted him pulling him back away from the prisoner.

"No! Severus! Let go of me!" He fought against the Minister's hold on him.

Fudge whispered a spell and the door to the office flew open and in marched the Aurors. "Take him to the gates," he ordered.

"Severus! Look at me! Please!" He begged.

Snape made no attempt to argue or fight off the Aurors. He had closed his eyes bowing his head in defeat.

"Severus!"

Before he could be pulled through the door way he finally looked right into Harry's eyes.

Harry always felt like he was drowning whenever Severus would lock eyes with his. He was once again lured into the darkness, seduced by the intensity of the gaze transfixed on him. With the same deliberation those orbs would rake across his naked body following spidery fingers trailing along his curves.

"I'm sorry, Harry." Snape's jaw tensed up. He only ever did that when he was trying to maintain control over himself. The battle was lost when a single tear fled the cavern out of the corner of Snape's eye and, slipped down his skin, the trail glimmering in the sunlight gazing through the window.

"Sev…Don't go…Don't let them take you…I need you…" He fought against the man holding him back. He wanted to run up to Severus. He wanted to touch him one last time, to kiss away the last hour and return to their haven.

"Remember when it rained, Harry," Snape said. Everyone stared at him as though he was mad except for Harry who understood the implication. The unspoken vow hung, suspended in the air.

"In the water, I'll remain…" he replied.

Cornelius Fudge and Albus Dumbledore followed, the Headmaster pushing Snape through the door. Harry legs gave out when his lover disappeared past the door, his knees slamming hard on the marble floor.

'Remember when it rained…' A strangled cry slipped past his lips. He squeezed his eyes shut still able to see Severus's eyes glancing over parchment at him, still looking at him as he rode out his orgasm as he writhed beneath his body; he could even feel Severus still watching him as he slept.

A hand laid itself on his back much like Snape had done so many months ago when he had broke down. He shook off the hand even so knowing Snape would never be able to touch him again.

"Harry…"

He looked up at his best friend, the boy's own face mirrored his own distress. They heard soft footfalls draw closer to them. Ron straightened up at his girlfriend's approach but Harry remained on the floor breathing becoming more and more erratic than before.

"Go away, Hermione!" Harry growled.

She didn't budge. "I can't believe you, Harry…I mean…You've done some pretty stupid things in your life, but this! What were you thinking! Were you even thinking at all!"

"Shut up!" Ron suddenly yelled at her. He finally understood Harry's sudden change, his transformation from the android he had been after Voldemort's defeat and saw, just as quickly, Harry's will give in and retract back into his shell

"Have you any idea what you've done!"

"Oh, what I've done?"

"You've pissed his life away! Not mention Professor Snape's!"

"He is longer a professor…"

"Yeah! Thanks to yours truly!"

"Are you honestly defending him, after what he did to Harry!""

"He never hurt Harry!"

"How can you say that!"

"He never hurt me," Harry croaked still perched on his hands and knees on the floor.

Hermione gazed at him quizzically, almost accusatory.

"What?" He looked up at her. "I'm not going to apologize for what we did. What we shared…"

"What did you share with him exactly, besides his bed?"

Harry snorted and, stood looking down on Hermione given his considerable height. "It wasn't about sex."

"There never should have been any sex in the first place."

"Why, just because he was my teacher?"

"Among other things…It's just plain wrong! Why can't you see that?"

"Love isn't wrong!"

"He didn't love you!" She spat.

"How the hell would you know how he felt?"

"Because he showed you just how much he loved you by fucking you on a desk!"

"Stop it, Hermione!" Ron grabbed her arm pulling her away from Harry.

"He was using you, Harry! Can't you see that?"

"_I_ initiated it! Not him! _I_ wanted him to fuck me!"

He stepped up close to her, his nose an inch away from touching hers. "I _begged _for it," his gust of breath blew at her hair that had fallen in front of her eyes. "I waited five long months to feel his naked skin against mine…It felt incredible having him inside me, knowing that I loved him, and that he loved me back."

He backed up a step, "What pisses you off, more, Hermione? The fact that I am gay or the fact that I am gay with Snape knowing you wanted him for yourself?"

He expected it, but the hand that slapped his face hurt more than he thought it would causing his neck to snap sideways.

"Yes, Hermione. He knew…"

"What's he talking about, Hermione?" Ron asked. They had been dating since the end of their fifth year.

"Tell him…tell him who you thought of when you two were together. Whose name you would have rather been screaming instead of Ron's?"

Hermione's eyes filled with tears.

"You wanted it to be you on that desk underneath him instead of me. Jealousy has driven you mad and it has taken the only thing I ever truly loved away. You've ruined his life because he chose me. How much did _you _love _him, _Hermione?"

"You don't know anything, Harry…" she replied, quietly.

"You had no right, absolutely no right to take him away from me. He was mine. He chose me." Harry punched his chest. "…and now he's gone…The man I love…is…"

Harry swung around and punched the wall repeatedly ignoring the immediate pain that shot from his knuckles and made its way to his elbow. Blood oozed from the abrasions covering fist. Harry stared at the red dripping down the wall, staining a trail to the floor.

"I will never forgive you, Hermione…" He left then. He walked out of the office and rode the stairs down to the hall. Ron followed not long after, leaving Hermione alone and single.

**_Yay! New chappie! What did ya think? Still have promise, you think? Please read and review…._**


	5. Chapter 5

Ch 5

"Remember when it rained…What did Snape mean by that?" The clock on the mantle began to sound indicating the early morning hour of two o'clock. Harry and Ron had been talking now for over two hours discussing the incident in the Headmaster's office when Ron remembered the phrase he had heard Snape speak to Harry.

"You answered him saying something just as cryptic. I remember that, but I can't think of what it was."

Harry shrugged picking at a piece of lint on the blanket he had bunched around his bare legs. "I would have to tell you everything for that statement to make any sense and as it is already two. I think we should call it a night. Our story will take more than one night to tell."

Ron stood stretching his arms high above his head, screwing up his face in a yawn. "You aren't coming back, are you?" Ron asked when Harry remained seated.

"I belong here now. This is my home, Ron. Not the tower and…I don't think I can face them again so soon."

"They don't hate you. Neville's been quite helpful actually." He smiled at Harry.

"Earlier today he yelled at a group of Hufflepuffs for insulting you and Snape. You know, Neville…Loyal to the last."

Harry chuckled at that.

"Malfoy hasn't spoken to anyone since Snape left the grounds. Pansy told me."

"She spoke to you?"

"She wanted to know how you were doing."

Harry blinked, "Oh…" He didn't know how he should feel about that. "What did you say?"

"Well, I told her I hadn't seen you since your spectacular performance in the hall, and that was when she mentioned Malfoy had locked himself in his room and refused to talk to anyone. He is taking Snape's arrest really bad. They were close, apparently."

Harry leaned back in the chair, closing his eyes. "I am sure they were."

"He's facing expulsion for what he did."

"They aren't going to expel him. Yes, they'll bring him before the board as a formality but they won't actually kick him out."

"Why do you say that?"

"They don't intend to expel me after being involved with Snape, I highly doubt it they will expel him. Remember we are victims of circumstance."

"Is it because you are The-Boy-Who-Lived?"

"No, because Severus asked I not to be expelled. It was a bargain of sorts, if he didn't put up a fight when they arrested him, I would not be expelled."

"They threatened him."

"Yes," Harry shook his head. "As long as my future isn't irrevocably damaged…that's all he cares about. He was always worried about my image. Worried how the world would perceive me if they knew I were cavorting with an Ex- Death Eater."

"That's the rub, that. They wouldn't have arrested him had his status not been against him, had be not been a Death Eater."

"I looked up school records and old newspapers and found there have been six instances of relationships forming between a teacher and student who were caught in the last century. All the teachers, all men, were relieved of their duties; three left the country, two moved to Wales and, the other went into seclusion. None of them were arrested and charged with student endangerment. Each student, all female I might add, were expelled and transferred to other magical schools to finish their magical education…No, I am sure if he and I had been anyone else they would have just shipped us off in separate directions."

"They also don't see your involvement together as a relationship. They think he forced himself on you, bewitched you, or something."

"There is no evidence to disprove that."

"There isn't any proof it wasn't either."

"People are going to believe what they see and all they see is a male teacher inappropriately involved with a male student half his age. Whether or not he forced himself upon me, which he didn't, is completely beside the point."

Ron lowered himself next to Harry's chair laying a hand on his knee. "As long as there are those who know the truth, who accept it for what it really was…, we'll find a way to free him, Harry. I promise. You _will _see him again. We owe you both a hell of a lot…"

Harry's eyes brimmed with tears. He moved his hand and clasped Ron's between his. They smiled at each other.

"Now, are you sure you will be alright down here all alone?"

"I was here alone for most of the evening. I think I'll manage, Ron."

"Alright then." With one last squeeze he stood up. He headed towards the door he entered from.

"I'll come by in the morning. Classes were cancelled for the next few days."

Harry nodded at him. Turning around to close the door Ron watched as Harry got up and walked across the room, through a doorway. He glimpsed the edge of a bed before the door was shut.

"I hope you know what you're doing, Ron Weasley," he said to himself before heading back up through the castle.

Harry leaned against the door staring at the carefully made bed. Snape preferred to make his own bed rather than have the house elves step foot inside his quarters. Not one crease marred the flat service of the down comforter. Harry had quickly learned that Severus was a perfectionist in everything he did. Harry accounted that for his strict demeanor in the classroom and almost anal retentiveness towards proper potion brewing techniques.

Harry ran his hand along the dark blue velvet drapes that hung from the four poster bed. The room was decorated in deep mahogany furniture decorated with intricate, Celtic designs carved out of the frame work. Florentine tapestries lined the walls to keep out the chill.

Harry stripped off his shorts and shirt, and climbed in to bed naked. He slid beneath the covers, his skin settling between the cotton sheets with goosebumbs rising on his flesh against the cold linens. Harry settled down on his side of the bed, the right side, facing the empty spot next to him. As soon as he closed his eyes his mind was immediately accosted by memories shared in that very same bed at a time when the sheets were never cold when they would come to bed. He clutched at the pillow digging his face into it. He flinched in expectation of a warm body to come into contact with his own and moaned in disappointment when such warmth never came.

He shifted over to the other side of his bed, 'his' side. He curled up inhaling Severus's lingering scent of mild spices and the aroma of tea tree products that clung to skin after his shower. Harry hugged the pillow to him, extinguished the light, and finally fell into a fitful slumber.

_Lips ghosted over his shoulder, parting for the wet tongue darting out to feast on his skin. "Sev…" _

_"Shhh, Harry…" That voice, a sweet luscious timber laced with lust brushed across his ear. Hot breath from a mouth so close sent shivers down his spine. A warm suction latched onto the side of his neck as a finger traced its way from the base of his neck down his sternum, and over his torso, the hand resting on his hip…so close…_

_"Sev…" An equally naked body crawled along his…_

_"I'm here, Harry…" The weight of his lover chased away the fear…_

_"They took you away..." His lonely soul was soothed by Snape's proverbial presence…_

_"I'll never leave you, Harry…" His essence spilt over him clearing his mind of doubt and dread…_

_"But you did. They came after you and you left me alone. I'm all alone…" He felt a spark of pleasure soar through his veins as a familiar nudge prodded his entrance. _

_"Please…" Harry brought his hands up wanting to hold Severus close when his hands moved through the body that was never there…_

_"Remember when it rained, Harry…" The voice moved away…_

_"I do…I will remember…" The touch abandoned its post…_

_"Say it, Harry…" The warmth began to recede…_

_He stumbled over his words, the security he remembered was disappearing into the air once again leaving him empty and cold, "In the water, I'll remain…"_

Gone, his phantom lover was completely gone again. He sat up in the bed searching into the darkness for his apparition.

"I can't survive this alone."

Harry laid awake the rest of the night thinking and remembering: the last time they made love, the few moments he stole to kiss Severus one last time, and the last thing Snape said to him.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Harry and Ron walked away from the Headmaster's office in silence. Sorrow curled its cruel tendrils around Harry's being; each step became progressively heavier as lead filled his body. He refused to succumb to the sadness that threatened to shroud his vision in darkness forever. Harry's hand shot out coming into contact with the side of the wall. He couldn't see now, his breath came in short rasps burning his lungs fighting off the loss he felt from watching Severus's retreating back vanish through the door.

"Harry!" He heard a voice call his name over the loud thrumming in his ears. He reached out to that friendly voice and caught an arm in his pulling on it wanting to drag himself out of the precipice he had fallen into.

He hazily heard a conversation somewhere to his right. Too many voices sounded in his head all at once for him to distinguish anything coherent.

"Release me!" Someone demanded.

"Too dangerous…upset…"

"I think he's going onto shock!" The friendly voice so close yelled in his ears scaring him, he yanked away slamming his back into something hard wanting to get away, needing to find relief from this torment.

"Losing…a few minutes…won't hurt…"

"Help…Free…"

"Settled…"

…And then strong arms wrapped around his middle hauling him up from the ground, a familiar scent wafted across his nostrils and he knew 'he' was there; then he was standing with those brilliant hands, warm and roughened by calluses, cupping his cheeks.

Snape had been dragged through the castle after his departure from the Headmaster's office to his dungeon lair, a place he knew after this day he would never see again, he doubted if he would ever set foot back inside the castle itself. trepidation settled over him at that thought. Hogwarts was his home and had been for so long, his years as a student coupled by the last sixteen years housed as a teacher at the majestic fortress amounted to nearly twenty-five years. That was more than half his age spent incased inside these walls.

They had wanted his Mastery License as well as other documents that would make it easier on their behalf so that his paper work would be filed quickly and accurately as soon as he was behind bars. He remembered his last encounter with Azkaban. It had been after Voldemort's first downfall at the love of a mother for her child when they detained him under charges of treason for his involvement with the Dark Lord.

That was how they had happened on the two boys in the hall in the first place, preparing to march him off the grounds. His heart constricted painfully at the sight of Harry buckling under the same pressure Snape was fighting to succumb to. The Aurors slammed him against the wall the second he tried to step toward Harry. He yelled at them to release him when he recognized the tell tale signs of shock cast its hold over the young man. He was finally able to reason with them that a dead boy-who-lived was worse than the boy-buggered-by-his-professor. The second the magical bonds holding his hands behind his back fell away he rushed over ignoring the pain thrumming through his shoulders.

"Harry? Can you hear me?" He looked intently into the unseeing eyes, glazed over and unfocused somewhere over his shoulder. He couldn't fight the urge to rub his thumb over Harry's smooth skin feeling his nerves seize up in a blaze of sensation.

"Harry…You need to calm down. You need to relax…breathe…" Harry could here the voice far off in the distance aimed at him, an anchor back to reality but still he could not see.

He was turned around and pulled back against something warm. The solid form radiated warmth, the heat seeping into his back a cold sweat had conquered. He leaned back into that blessed sentinel resting his head on the shoulder behind him willing the darkness to go away so he could see his seraph.

"I want you to listen to my voice, Harry," he turned his head to the left and his cheek and settled in the crook of Snape's neck. Ambiance from the man's voice vibrated through Harry's back.

"Pay attention to what I say." A hand rose resting on his forehead and the other moved under Harry's arm and was pressed flat on his chest just over his heart. Snape closed his eyes blocking out everything else focusing his attention on the pounding of the organ beating beneath his hand.

"I want you to breathe with me. Follow me…breathe in and breathe out…Match my rhythm, Harry. Listen to the beat of my heart, synchronize with me…," the chest Harry was leaned against expanded as his lungs filled with air. Snape let his breath out in a whoosh and took another deep breath…

"In…Out…In…Out…" They stood like that, in silence and breathing deeply for a while. Snape concentrated on Harry's aura penetrating his mind seeking to drag him from the abyss. For every pound of his heart he could feel as well as hear Harry's start to harmonize with his as one; and with every breath he took Harry started to take shuddering breaths mimicking his own, in and out, allowing air to enter his body.

Harry's awareness awakened when he realized he was being held closely and lovingly, a hand caressing his sweaty fringe. He wet his parched lips with his tongue, his mouth just as dry feeling like cotton. He opened his eyes to at the whole of Hogwart's population, teachers and students alike, staring, flabbergasted at him. Fudge and the Ministry Officials were sneering at him, disgust written in every line on their snot-nosed faces. Dumbledore who kept his gaze locked anywhere but at him stood close to the Minister. The expressions on his fellow classmates were another story. Most held scandalized looks in their eyes, ogling the feat before them, mouths permanently dropped open in disbelief. Others bordered tame curiosity and even respect. There were no slack-jawed looks among the Slytherins. Each stood watching with interest, almost in pity, in empathy for him...or was it for Snape? Draco Malfoy grey eyes locked with his and immediately shifted to the man behind him.

Harry brought his shaky hand to the one still covering his chest knowing it belonged to Severus. He was in Severus's arms, he was encased in his lover's arms and the thought that it could be there last moment together knocked him from his stupor. He squeezed Sev's hand tightly in his desperation to maintain contact. Tearing his eyes away from the intruding crowd he turned in around to face Snape, the arms falling to encircle Harry's waist. His own traveled up Snape's chest burrowing into the black wool of his frock coat.

"Sev…"

Snape lowered his head resting it on Harry's own forehead, simple skin on skin contact, a guilty pleasure they could not resist.

"I thought you were gone already," Harry spoke low for only Severus to hear.

"Not yet."

"No…"

"This is the way it has to be…"

"No, no…you did nothing wrong…tell them…"

"It doesn't work that way, Harry. You know that."

"I don't care. They can't do this…It's wrong to tear us apart…I love you, I do. I can't do this without you."

"This is right, Harry. I stole something…I did. I stole happiness with you. I don't mind paying."

Snape looked down at Harry's hands laid against his chest, Harry's milky complexion a stark contrast to the black fabric. He noticed Harry's right hand littered with shallow cuts and gave Harry a knowing look.

"I don't expect you to accept our predicament but you must realize this is for the best…"

"How can you say that when we will be parted? I don't even know if I will ever see you again."

"Have faith, Harry. Trust in this…if it is truly meant to be…fate will bring us together once again…"

"I gave you my mind, my, my body, willingly…my heart will always belong to you," Harry wavered. Shaking his head, he continued, "You made me feel again…showed me things…taught me so many things."

Snape planted a chaste kiss on Harry's forehead his lips lingered in a loving gesture. He spoke, his lips brushing against youthful skin, "I never knew I could feel like this… Love was alien to me, a foreign phenomenon for love-sick fools, not murderers such as I," he held a finger up to Harry's lips before he could protest. "I had been raped by love…torn, used by the greed and hatred of others." Snape backed up from Harry to look him straight in the eye, "You've given me the greatest gift of all, Harry. Three months together is worth a lifetime not shared."

"Mr. Snape!" One of the Aurors stepped forward.

"Give them a moment, for fuck's sake! Can't you see they're trying to say good-bye?" A chorus broke out behind them, students shouting in agreement.

"Mr. Malfoy, that'll do!" Professor McGonagall piped up behind him.

He swung around and spat, "You aren't my head of house!"

"Slytherin doesn't have a head of house anymore!" A sixth year Ravenclaw shot back at him.

"That's what you think!"

Insults erupted from all sides, the Slytherins defending Snape's honor against the houses of Hufflepuff and Ravenclaw while the Gryffindors split, most against the serpent house. Whatever Malfoy's motives, all hell broke loose as a fist fight ensued between the students. It succeeded in drawing the crowd's attention from Harry and Severus buying them more time together in each other's arms.

Harry took advantage of the diversion with the Aurors too busy trying to help the riot that broke out among the houses and pressed himself flush against Severus before placing his lips to the other man's, opening his mouth a little in invitation and moaned into the mouth devouring him when a slick tongue crossed the threshold.

Snape's hands snaked up Harry's back reveling in the feel of toned muscles slide beneath his fingertips before delving into the short raven locks at the base of Harry's neck causing Harry 's body to curve into his even closer.

"Severus…" he gasped out. "Don't leave me…"

Snape breathed in deeply once again overcome by the emotions running through him. He kissed Harry again, softly…deftly; tenderness evident in Snape's embrace never before witnessed by the mass of people still surrounding them.

A hand seized Snape's arm pulling him away from Harry who Severus still clung to.

"It's time to go, Mr. Snape!"

He jerked away meeting Harry half way in one last hungry kiss meant to devour, for comfort, for strength, for the coming time they would be apart; for Snape's impending incarceration and Harry's imminent isolation. They poured all their desperation, their fear, and love into this kiss, this last battle of lips and tongues for dominance, for some semblance of sanity within the madness they were quickly spiraling into.

They tried again, the navy-robed Aurors knocking them apart sending Harry flying to the ground and Snape slamming into the wall. Harry was picked up and held by the others as they bound Snape's arms once again.

"Fucking pervert!" They shoved Snape's head forward, splitting the skin right above his right eye.

Harry fought against his restraints, his body convulsing trying to twist from within their grasp. He stretched his neck to the side and bit down on the hand holding his right arm in a pincher-like grip.

"Ah! He bit me!" The Auror backhanded him as the Auror still handling threw him to the ground. 'The victim indeed'

He was dizzy now and staggered to his feet.

"Stay now, Harry!" Snape was being pulled further and further down the hallway. "Don't follow me out there…Do. Not. Watch me leave…"

Harry nodded numbly…

"I love you, Harry!" Severus publicly announced.

"I love you, too, Severus…"

**_Yay! Chapter five…Thank you all to have reviewed the story. Knowing there are people sincerely enthralled gives me a reason to keep it going and avoid my schoolwork…who needs a college education anyway:D YOU GUYS ROCK!_**


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